There are pivotal moments in life. Some that change the person you are, some that change the attitude you have and in this circumstance, change the way I think. I have always, or from my teenage years, had to some degree have had issues with body dysmorphia. It doesn't matter what I weigh. I always want to lose one more pound. It doesn't matter how small my waist is because my legs are always so big. During my high school years, I underwent drastic measure to be small, to fit the "mold" that us girls are suppose to measure up to and had to go to therapy for anorexia. It was a weak and embarrassing moment to admit but to be completely honest, although I quit the behavior, I still never recovered and have always had issues with my body. It is something that pained me everyday. Something that ate at me every time I looked in the mirror. It was something that I struggled with and was never satisfied with looking in the mirror and muttering, "gross" at the reflection I saw. It was demeaning and negative behavior that I truly hated. It was something that I struggled with and no matter the amount of hours I spent in the gym or dieting or cleansing, I still could not be satisfied with. Not at least, until I had tried everything painstaking option from drinks to pills. My parents would say, "Chelsea, do you know how many girls would die to have your body?" My husband would say, "I love you just the way you are" and my Best Friend and workout partner Suzie would say, "You're crazy. You body is rocking" even providing me with cards of encouragement and a plaque that read "BeYour Own Kind of Beautiful." I tried. I really did. I WANTED to be happy. To be comfortable and to not always tear myself down. Every effort to help boost my self confidence was given and still, I could not get over the "man in the mirror" that would taunt and drive me to be sad and crazy. That is until, I took my pleadings to the Lord. I made it one of my goals to attend the temple every month this year. My sister Emily and I would trade and watch each others kids to attend. I was able to be in the Lord's house away from the temptations and disparages of the world. It came in the month of February. I attended an endowment session in the Las Vegas temple. I dressed as normal. Attended as normal and sat in the Celestial Room as normal, all the same, hoping to feel my grandfather's presence as I often times did. I sat with my arms folded offering a prayer of gratitude, which was my "usual" practice. I feel it a blessing and privilege to enter the doors of the temple and the Celestial Room to me feels a place to offer up the gratitude that I feel to my Creator. I folded my arms and as I offered the most sincere prayer to my Father in Heaven, my prayer turned as a sobbing plea. As I said, I don't usually ask when I am in this room. I feel it the place to offer my thanks for all that I have been blessed with but as I sat there, I decided to plead and communicate with my Father of the weight that I felt in this skin that was granted me. This perfect body that I had and that I couldn't seem to be grateful for. The more I prayed, the louder my cry as I plead and begged for the relief and peace I so fiercely wanted. I asked to be granted that peace. That I would be able to look in the mirror of my closet and not be disgusted but in complete PEACE. Something that I had struggled with for 20 years and had found no solace. It had taken me this long to present this problem to the father who is in Heaven. The person that I should have a relationship that I can tell anything to and that I can find all my safety, calmness and answers. I finished my petition and offered supplication and finished with what I had left of recognition and thankfulness for all that I had leaving wet and makeup smeared. I emptied half the box of tissue as I exited the room and made my way downstairs to change. I put names into the prayer role box and drove home pondering my experience. As I arrived home, I performed my usual routine of changing my clothes in front of my long mirror and for the first time in my life, I looked into the mirror and instead of shaking my head in disgust and revolt, I looked at the body I had been granted an smiled. I actually smiled and thought to myself. Okay. Okay? OKay!?! OKAY!!! I felt peace!!! The feeling of discord and distress was replaced with neutrality and amity! I had truly been blessed and as the feeling came with this sincere calmness, I again retired to my knees and poured out my acknowledgement and appreciativeness. My indebtedness and recognition that MY prayers had been answered. I felt the most overpowering knowledge that I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father and that He LOVES me! That he HEARS me! That he KNOWS me and my struggles and that he had heard my prayer and had granted my admission for peace. I felt my Grandfather, Garth A James, and his influence. I KNEW for myself that He is real. That this plan that I have been taught is real. That I matter and that my desires and beseeching had proven honorable and accepted. I knew that He had my interest at heart. That he loves me and that I matter to Him. I shared this testimony that I have with my children the next morning at our breakfast devotional. I shared with them the power of the Priesthood. The power of Prayer and the Power that our Father in Heaven holds. I record this special and sacred experience because I want my children to know that THIS was a modern day miracle. It is something that I have struggled with and fought with for so many years and in doing all that I can do on my own, turned it over to the Lord and he blessed me. He granted me this gift. This sweet love with my body and the tranquility that for so long raged turbulence in my life. I testify that this is true. I testify as real as I sit here today and type this story and as strong as rock and as smooth as satin can be that Jesus is the Christ. That there was a plan in Heaven. That we all sat in the discussion and that I chose to come to earth, that I knew of the plan and that I wanted to be tested. I wanted to prove that I am a strong spirit and that I could conquer all that would be placed in my path. I know that my prayers are answered and not just lost in the vaporated air. I know that My Father in Heaven is real and that He loves me. I know that the adversary is real as I am and that if I choose to be obedient whether blind obedience or right in my face decisions, that I can return to my Heavenly Father to stand before Him and say, "I fought a good fight and I did my very best." I know that the church is true and that the standards and values that the church teaches may seem as blockades and rules, but that these regulations and statutes are so that we can progress down the path we are destined to go. That through these simple laws and commandments, we can find the peace and the love and the blessings from our choices. I know that the covenants that we made at baptism and in the temple are real and that I want to be among the few that can bow and know that my work was enough. I know that the power of the Priesthood is a real power and the power of God that we can act in His name. That through this amazing gift, we can be healed, blessed and comforted. I know that after the great apostasy, after Christ was crucified and after His prophets were killed that this power was brought back to this earth through the servant Joseph Smith. That he was not a perfect man, but was but what I am. An imperfect attendant who did his very best. I know that through him, the keys were restored and that as prophets of old, we have living prophets today. I know that prayer is real as it had manifested that wonderful day in February that changed my life forever. I know that the Holy Ghost is real and that he speaks to me and helps guide me in my choices and in raising my sweet family. I know that I will return and report when this life is over. I know this. I witness that it is real. That He is real and I leave and seal this testimony with my heart and soul, on the sacred name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.
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